Dear, Daniel

Dear Daniel, three months ago, you sat right beside me telling me how beautiful I looked in this white dress and I didn’t believe you because I thought the complete opposite. Three months ago, you gave me a rose and told me you never regretted meeting someone like me and I felt exactly the same. Dear Daniel, three months ago, I was happy and you had never let me down. Until today.

Dear Daniel, let me tell you upfront that this not a love letter. I want you to know that the three months after all that, I grew up. Dear Daniel, I have never felt this way about anyone. And it’s devastating knowing you will never know that.

I’d walk by you again and again just because I think looking at you once isn’t enough. I’d check up on you casually, about your upcoming surgery- acting chill, but actually dead frightened you’d get hurt. I’d let you borrow all my things just so I could get to see you a little more often. I’d take time into making sure you wouldn’t skip class only because I know you’re too smart for that but you’re also too weak, you get carried away. Sometimes, when I laugh, you say it’s cute but I refuse with a comeback, sounding cool instead of flattered. When it rains, you cover my head with your hand as if it were big enough to cover me up. You squeeze my arms and repeatedly say “I miss you” when we haven’t seen each other in a long time. And lastly, your I love you’s were always meant to be friendly, but I’d always wish you meant them the other way. Dear Daniel, who wouldn’t have fallen for you? I waited half a year for you to get over this girl who cannot seem to appreciate just how amazing you are, someone who left you for another guy just when you needed her the most. I waited for more than half a year just to figure out that today, you say you like someone else  because of her smile and you knew I was inches beside you, just close enough to hear you- and I guess, you didn’t care much at all about how I would’ve felt after hearing that. Right now, you have this asshole who left you, a beautiful short-haired girl you admire and I, someone who probably loved you more than the other two. But dear Daniel, this, you will never know.

Today, we walked down together and then you grabbed my shoulder and said “Hey, you really like wearing that white dress, huh?”- as if he didn’t remember what he said to me three months ago. But incase, you still want an answer. Of course I do, Daniel. Of course. Three months ago, I had fallen so madly in love with you.

But dear, dear Daniel, I shouldn’t have.


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